Understanding
by Jessiy Landroz
Summary: Raphael understands his feelings for Angel, but would Casey accept? Raph x Angel [Progressing]
1. Chapter 1

**EDIT:** Firstly, I don't own the ninja turtles; you know that, I know that, so why do we have to repeat ourselves at the beginning of every story? Don't you people get tired? Secondly, I'm reporting the first chapter for two reasons, mainly for a few goofs due to my tiredness while proofing this prior posting, and because I forgot to put a proper warning. And by warning I mean: '_This story is rated M/R for sexual implications and lots of kissing,_' I'm trying to figure out how deep I can prod before Raph decides to come over and kick my butt for me, lol!

Other than that; enjoy!

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter One:

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It's been a very long day and I was tired and completely worn out.

Flaked out on the couch, empty can of beer in hand, I drowsily stared at the screen.

I could have just pushed off the puny seat and gone to bed for a better and more restful slumber, but I was so darn tired and so darn lazy to bother doing so. I was tempted to just toss away the can of beer from my hand, to curl up right there and then on the couch and sleep the night away, but then thought better of it. No need to keep everyone up with my loud snoring.

Of course were all there watching a movie, but then two brothers called it a night and left, they left me and Mike behind at a very late hour at night. Not that I would have minded, the screaming and the horribly loud music that came from the horror movie were enough to keep me up and awake. Sadly, since I've already seen this movie a couple of times, I knew what was to happen and was ready for it.

In other words, it didn't help me stay up.

My head started to nod off half way through the show. God I was so, so drowsy and tired. I slumped back and sunk into the soft and cushy seat. I almost conked out right there on the couch, but that's when it happened.

I remember my head cocked aside and rested sleepily on my shoulder. I was so close to pass through the gates of dreamland when something warm touched my face, they cupped my cheeks delicately. At first I merely ignored them, but then when something straddled my thighs, I twitched a brow and fluttered my eyelids and stared at the one before me.

Startled at the warm touch, I grunted when something pressed and locked on to either side of my hip. Whatever was on my face breathed warm, sweet scented air and pressed something warm against my skin. The feel of a pair of- something, round and soft pressed to my plastron were alarming. But what really snapped me awake were the cherry flavored lips that pressed to my own.

With a snort, my eyelashes fluttered more awake.

The weight on my thighs registered whilst a dull ache between my legs began.

When I drowsily blinked and stared dumbly at the one before me, I knew the heat on my face wasn't just because of the hot breath, or the soft hands that cupped my cheeks. With a confused and a somewhat embarrassed and annoyed scowl, I glared at the cheeky grin that greeted me. My hands automatically rested on her thighs, my fingers absently caressed the warm skin.

"G'morning sleepy head." She chirped merrily, her ruby red lips pressed to my lips again in another deep, passionate kiss.

I suppressed a groan when our lips momentarily parted, "It's almost midnight," I weakly argued, my hands moved from her bare thighs and that frilly skirt to cup her hip, to pull her closer, "What are ya doin' here?" I asked.

She moaned and we deepened the kiss, "I missed you." She gave a childlike whine after she broke the kiss for some air, she giggled as her nails harmlessly trailed from over my eye ridge to my chin, "You taste like beer."

I smiled and we shared another small kiss, "Oh yeah? Well ya taste like chocolate." I murmured.

"Is it that obvious?" she grinned wider and giggled again.

"Babe, ya reek of it." I furrowed with a smile.

"Yeah, well I don't hear you complaining about it." She purred and scooted closer, pressed her chest against mine, her arms wrapped around my neck, we shared another deep kiss.

During the kiss, her knees pressed to my sides in a tighter lock, she paused and drew back, her hands cupped either side of my neck, as if she was complementing the idea of chocking me, but her thumbs caressed my jaw, before she pinched my chin and raised it a little, tilting it back to plant another deep, compassionate kiss. This time while her nails scratched my skin, my hands wondered up to her spine and held her shoulders. I held on to my control and after a pause for a breath, my hands found her head and my fingers dove into her rich, thick hair.

We deepened the kiss once more.

I was still physically tired though, so I ended up being the first to break the kiss for lack of air.

I yawned inwardly and then pressed my snout to her collarbone. I nuzzled the soft bare skin there with a small smirk. Her tender cream-colored skin shone from her low cut, v-necked and sleeveless shirt. I couldn't help but notice her chest had gotten bigger, though.

How old was she again? Sixteen, was it?

Eyes heavy and threatening to clamp themselves shut, I shook my head and looked at her as I tried to focus on her presence and keep myself awake, "Well anyway, what brought ya here?" I murmured lazily and took a whiff of her scent.

She caressed my head and nuzzled my scalp, "Next week is my eighteenth birthday." She said softly, happily.

It took me a moment to understand her statement, and when it made sense in my head, I snapped more awake than before. I pushed my snout slightly off her well mounded chest and we locked eyes. My eyes fluttered sleepily, but I was thankfully awake enough to acknowledge what she told me, "Really?" I grinned, my hands slid back down to hold her hip, "Congratulations Angel."

She nodded enthusiastically and giggled again, "Yup! I'm gonna be eighteen!" she squealed and wrapped her arms around my neck, more tightly than before, she pressed her nose to my throat and nuzzled, before she then nibbled on the tender skin.

This time I groaned with pleasure, she knew all the right spots to turn me on. I was the one who cupped her face and pressed my lips to her and kissed her deeply, our fingers intertwined.

After the kiss broke she giggled again, still I registered that she still straddled my lap, but that was soon forgotten when she rested her chin on my shoulder and we nuzzled, I couldn't help but grin.

Unfortunately, that's when my sleepy daze faded and I opened my eyes to reality.

It took me a moment to notice the room was suddenly silent. The movie had been stopped and Mike sat there with his mouth hung agape and that bucket of popcorn crushed in his hands, its continents littered the floor.

The room was suddenly so damn boiling hot! I felt like I was dunked in a bubbling hot spring! The invisible flames spread through my chest and licked my cheeks. I could already sense them as they colored my face.

When he blinked a few times and his jaw fruitlessly worked on its own, his baffled expression melted into a brightly mischievously, leery grinning one. I swallowed audibly, and ignored how my girl nibbled on my neck more hungrily than before. I was just about to push her off and to her feet when I caught the scent of something that wasn't there before.

I took a more critical stiff and discovered that the alien smell was- wine? She'd been drinking?

With a suppressed groan, I acknowledged our position and what scene had played in front of my impish brother, I squeezed my eyes tight and forced myself off the couch, I cradled her body while she squirmed in my arms, I ignored her murmurs and incoherent giggles. She protested when I attempted to put her down by latching on to me a little harder.

Quickly and embarrassedly I shot my brother a warning look, before I took her to my room.

The chuckle that escaped his lips only made the knots in my stomach grow worse.

Once in the safety of my bedroom, she was already fast asleep in my arms with a huge grin plastered on her lips. With a relived sigh I set her more comfortably into my hammock, and then picked up my shell cell to give her guardian a call. While I waited for Casey to answer, I gave her small slender figure a visual once over, appreciating her beauty.

I ignored the ache in my lower region, too.

I mean, damn! She looked so cute, so hot!

With her stray hair set loose over her slender shoulders, draped over her temple and curling slightly around her cheeks, they gave her a cuter facade, like an innocent little child.

Her sleeveless, V-necked and low cut shirt was in a soft color of pale blue, it made her arms and neck look longer in an elegant way. Her well mounded breasts were shone a slight cleavage though the low cut; she looked so sexy. Plus with that frilly black skirt, its length was a little over her knees, yet it made her look like a very tall schoolgirl with slim, shapely legs.

After three beeps, he finally answered, "Hello?" came a frustrated greeting, "Make it quick 'cause I'm busy." He grouched.

"Casey? It's me, Raph." I muttered while I rubbed the back of my neck, I sat on the workout bench and continued to watch Angel as she slept peacefully, "Listen, are ya busy? I- uh… kinda have a problem here." I glanced at her cute pink cheeks and nose, that pleased and satisfied smile, it brought a grin to my face, "Could ya come over? I kinda need yer help with this one." I admitted.

"Sorry green-dome, I'm sort of busy." He muttered, "I was supposed to pick up Angel from a party, but after I got there they told me she left an hour early." He informed, but I identified the sound of his fist, it got muffled after it had collided with something, "Some cheep sh!t got her drunk during the party, and now she's wondering the streets all alone!"

"She's here." I mustered the best assuring tone I could and murmured softly, "She just arrived at the lair a while ago."

"Really?" Casey's voice breathed out in relief, "Thank god!" he then added, "Is she okay? Is she hurt?"

"She's asleep. Drunk, but asleep." I replied, my gaze fixed to her sleeping form all huddled in my bed. I was still tired and in need of rest.

"Okay! I'll be there as fast as I can" he said hastily, but didn't end the call just yet and continued, "But are ya okay, Raph? Ya don't sound so hot." My friend asked, concerned.

I identified the sound of a motorbike ignited, it roared as it raced down the street, so I tried to ignore it as it gave me a headache, "I'm just kinda tired. Could ya just come over to pick her up?" I asked.

He grunted, "Sure, be there in a few, take care of her till I get there, okay?"

"I will." I muttered drowsily and then ended the call.

Tired and now with a heavy head and a gradually growing headache, I carelessly threw the shell cell towards the dresser, but it missed and hit the wooden frame before it bounced off and skid across the floor. I ignored it and laid back over the workout bench, I draped an arm over my face and hoped for a quick nap while Casey gets here, I just didn't feel up to staying up to wait for him.

No more than ten minutes, I was fast asleep.

….

I didn't mean to fall asleep, but it just happened.

After I woke up, I saw I was still laid on the workout bench, but there was a blanket over my body.

I pushed off it and saw that Angel was no longer in my bed, the blanket was mine.

It meant that while I was asleep, Casey arrived and took her home, while he, or maybe someone else, placed the blanket on me instead of waking me up, and telling me to get to bed since it was free again for me to use.

The bed however had the hint of feminine perfume, chocolate and a touch of wine, those scents once registered played images in my head.

More awake and self conscious, I pushed up to my feet and exited the bedroom, headed towards the bathroom to freshen up. After I took care of business, I stalked down to the kitchen for breakfast. I was might starved though my head still throbbed, because of the lack of a restful slumber. I think my body was still achy and tired, I didn't feel up to do anything today, my body felt too sluggishly heavy.

Once I've stepped into the kitchen, I spied Mike with a stack of pancakes on his plate, he was already half way through the meal, before he stopped to spare me a smile, but I ignored him, my head hurt too much to care about the chocolate that dribbled from his lips, to disgustingly splatter on the table. Leo had a cup of his usual green tea while Don was reading the newspaper.

Sensei and Leo were murmuring to each other, they stopped when I came into the kitchen, but I was too dull-headed and drowsy to care. After I greeted them, more dryly and blankly than intended, I plopped on the chair and cupped my face, I suppressed the urge to groan. The damn headache was getting worse, it wouldn't stop hurting.

"You okay, Raph?" Don piped up, concern clear in his voice.

"Tired. Headache. My brain feels like it's about to explode." I muttered with a grunt, and then folded my arms on the table and I closed my eyes, I tried to rest them for a few minutes, hopefully it'll ease away some pain. But the dull silence that followed irked me a little so I raised my head to look at them, curious why no one commented. "What?" I inquired, uneasy at their silence.

"Um, Casey came over last night," Leo began, a wry smile and a flustered look started on his face.

"Yeah, so?" I sent him a tired glare, and then glanced at Mike.

Mike timidly nibbled on his fork, eyes fixed to his chocolate syrup smothered pancakes.

"Since when?" Leo asked, a little uneasy.

I stared at him, partly confused, "What?"

"Angel." He explained hesitantly, "Since when?"

I squint my eyes, I half glared half confused, half annoyed at whatever was going through his head, "Leo I _just_ woke up." I reasoned grumpily and pressed the base of my hands over my eyes, "I don't feel like using my head right now 'cause it's thrumming so hard, you'd think I have Mikey's damn drum set fixed in there!" I muttered darkly as I rubbed a bit more, before I removed them to look at him, "What's yer point? Just spit it out already."

His grin twitched uneasily, "You and Angel," he began carefully, "since when were you two an item?"

I blinked blankly at him once, twice, and then squeezed my eyes shut again. I let my head thump on the table and groaned, "We are not an item." I muttered and ignored the heat that warmed my cheeks.

"Dude! You two were slobbering kisses all over each other!" Mike exclaimed aloud, it caused the terrible thumping against my defenseless and tender brain to get worse, "That was so totally screaming item!"

Tired, I didn't fight back nor deny it 'cause it was partly true, but still I was just so tired and cranky and so gosh-darn confused. "I dunno," I admitted and stopped rubbing my eyes, "We've hand a thing for each other years ago, but-" I sighed softly and the pain in my head lessened, "we're not really an item; it's more like the relationship between Donny and April."

There was a gurgle that was soon followed by a sputtered coughing fit. Instantly Leo and Mike jumped to help him. Donny choked on his drink, so while Leo went to fetch him a glass of water, Mike gently smacked his shell and helped our brainy -busted!- brother clear his throat. Heck! I didn't even have to lift my head to see the flustered look on his face.

I smirked, face hidden under my folded arms.

"Then how do you explain the kissing?" Mike whined as he obviously hinted to the events that accrued last night.

Head heavy and not really in a mood to argue, I shrugged, "She was drunk." I reasoned.

There was a moment of silence before Leo spoke again, "Well that explains it." He muttered.

"Aww! You mean there won't be any miniature Raphies running around any time soon?" Mike argued with a cute pout, "And sensei was so looking forward for some grandkids, isn't that right sensei?"

I half expected to hear a loud smack, sensei's cane on Mike's head, but nothing came.

"My son, are you sure you are feeling well?" sensei spoke and I heard the sound of his cup gently make a muffled clatter, as it made contact with the saucer, "You're being very quite this morning." He reasoned.

"It's just a headache, sensei. I'm fine." I argued weakly, and then pushed off the table, "I think I'll just take some painkillers and sleep in for a few more hours. That okay with you?" I looked at him through bleary eyes.

He nodded though a reluctant gaze lingered in those deep, brown orbs, "Yes, perhaps a few more hours of rest would be for the best." He agreed with a gentle smile, "But let Donatello give you a check up, if and when needed." He insisted wisely, parental concern shone in his eyes, "I don't want you getting ill with something."

I bowed, "Hai, sensei." I didn't argue because I was just too tired to care.

With that said I went to the infirmary and grabbed some pills from the medical cabinet, drowned them with water, and then headed to my room. I dropped on my hammock like the dead, got as comfortable as I could, snuggled into the pillow and tugged the blanket closer. I ignored the sweet scents Angel had left behind, and again they played images in my head, in my dreams.

Soon I was snoring loud enough to wake the dead.

It was restful, though I could have had a better rest without the wet dreams.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: why I keep starting new projects when I'm already swamped with so many paused ones, I'll never know…. These plotbunnies will be the death of me one of these days, I just know it!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

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It was a few hours later that I woke up feeling a little better.

The headache was mild and still there, but it was much better than before.

The family had already finished lunch by the time I arrived at the kitchen, so I simply helped myself with some painkillers and a drink. I didn't feel up for solids just yet. We greeted each other casually, but Sensei and Don bluntly asked about the headache, they were visibly glad when I told them it didn't hurt as much, so Don expressed that it was probably a migraine from over working, I should take the day off.

I told him I'll think about it, I didn't feel like being active today, anyway.

They were about to start the afternoon's training session, when Casey called me on my shell cell and said he wanted to talk to me. He didn't sound in a hurry and I indicated not upset or such noticeable hints in his voice, it worried me.

I had a pretty good idea what he wanted to talk about and I didn't look forward to it.

I dreaded the thought of going out to meet him, especially during this time of day with a headache. It was still day and it'll be a long time before the sun sets, so I'll need to be careful during my travel.

Although I was tempted to tell him that we could to do it some other time, sensei urged me to talk to him and settle things between us, especially if Casey wants to talk about what we guessed he wanted to talk about, before the matter got out of hand and caused problems later on. I reluctantly complied with father's reasoning, it made more sense.

Before I left, I took a bite from lunch's leftovers. I mean seriously, not even I would pass off Mike's cooking; and then did a series of simple kata for a quick warm up. I took my leave and headed out of the lair and on the Shell cycle, I did a beeline towards Casey's place and took the less traveled paths possible, just to insure that I don't bump into someone or get stuck in traffic.

Since we're living at the pumping station now, ever since Karai tore down our previous home, I park my bike in a makeshift garage fixed in the sewers. Half way across the park, there is a tunnel like-manhole that leads topside.

Don secured it with a door and lock, to keep it hidden away from any wandering drunks or curious kids.

I usually use that exit when I want to ride my bike out of the sewers and out on the open. Although the garage isn't too far away from it, I'm not supposed to turn the engine on while in the sewers, or else it'll just make a loud roaring sound and attracts unwanted attention. That's why I always walk out with my bike and march a safe distance away from the exit, before I turn the engine on and ride it like the wind.

During my ride I thought back about us; Angel and I.

I don't know when, how or why it even started or what sparked it, because I still can't pinpoint the exact moment we really noticed each other, in the same manner we feel about one another.

I really can't blame Casey for being picky about who she dates, either.

After all he is her legal guardian, ever since her grandmother passed away two years ago.

She was only sixteen at the time, yet her older brother Ryan booked out on her, seeing he was much older and with a girlfriend, who pretty much had him wrapped around her finger. He just took his stuff and left his little sister behind with Casey, without a second thought or glance, because he saw himself and his girlfriends privacy and comfort as a priority.

Waste of flesh… should have left him rot in that haunted mansion! Damn money grabber…

Casey is her legal guardian, therefore he is responsible for her safety and welfare until she finishes school, gets a steady job with good income to support herself, and then finds herself a man. Heh, tough luck on the last one, though.

But even then, he has to make sure she's doing okay, not just as a guardian, but as a dear, close friend and family.

She moved into April's place after her grandmother passed away, and about a month after her idiotic brother left, because if she hadn't, she would have stayed at that empty apartment all by her lonesome self.

Besides, she wouldn't have been able to stay there for long, not on her own. I mean, where would she get the money needed to pay the rent? She was only sixteen at the time. How would she support herself financially, when she's in her last few years of school and can't afford a real, fulltime job yet? She works at a part-time job in a nearby café, but not much of income from that line of work.

Mike kept teasing me about her when we first discovered the spark between us, he kept asking when Angel and I are getting married. That quickly earned him more bruises backside the head than I care to count.

I'm still confused about how I feel towards her, though.

I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing that we're interested in each other.

Should I move on to the next stage of our relationship and see if we could be something more, lovers or mates, perhaps? Or should I back off and make her go out and date with other boys of her own kind?

Discouragingly, the mere thought of her dating someone else makes my blood boil, hatred would swell inside of me and I'd want to tear that someone apart for daring to come near her.

What is this feeling? Over protectiveness? Jealousy?

I squished them as fast as I could. I'm not supposed to let my emotions control her future.

She doesn't need me to be jealous over her; I don't deserve her.

Who am I to claim her for myself, anyway? She's a fine, teenaged and youthful beauty, a human with her life and so many golden opportunities ahead of her! While I'm a freak destined to live and die unknown, forgotten.

_She_ might be _my_ once in a life time opportunity, for a real life and a mate to hold dear and love, but though it might be a dream come true to me, to her it'll be nothing but anguish and despair. She doesn't deserve to suffer my lifestyle, she deserves to be under the sun, to have fun and enjoy her life, not spend the last days of her life in the middle of a dank, stinky old sewer.

These feelings, they're so heavy.

They weigh down my heart so much, it hurts.

I mean, these feelings are like a burden I accepted to carry on my shoulders, although I knew in advance that they were too much for me, I was determined and insisted to carry them alone.

I knew Casey figured out about us along time ago, he just never hinted it.

He just sort of had a hunch and didn't let on to his knowledge, so I sort of worry what he has to say.

Could it be that he'll ask me to step away and let her live her life? If so then I won't argue, because I know he's right. It's Angel's future and I'm nothing but a roadblock, I have no right to strip her freedom away from her, just because I feel for her. He's her guardian and he has the right to call me off, more than ever if he saw a potential harm to her future, physical or mental alike.

I'm sure as shell he ain't just gonna turn a blind eye and allow her hook up with something like me, no matter how close our friendship is. He and I are buddies, yes, but that does not include Angel! She's a third party with separate issues that we should not entangle with our friendship, it's got nothing to do with how Casey and I look at each other… or does it?

Yes, I guess it does. We might be friends, but if I'm an obstacle in her path, he might want to cut ties with me.

Somehow, that hurts more than I care to admit.

She's better off with someone like herself, a human and not like me, a penniless freak of nature, cursed to live the rest of my misfortunate life in the dark abyss of the sewers. To be born into and to embrace the darkness, to die unknown and forgotten deep in the sewers of New York City; that is who I am, what my family and I have been destined to be, we cant change that, so we play the fame of survival, for it's our way to keep up with the struggle, to keep ourselves alive.

I weren't looking forward to this little conversation with our adopted, human brother though.

The bubbles and knots that twisted inside me didn't help, either.

As soon as I arrived at Casey's place, I parked my bike in the back alley where, hopefully, no one would see me during daylight. I parked my bike under the fire escape and locked it.

I knew he wanted to talk to me about Angel and the possibility of us becoming an item, but the more I thought about it and what he has to say, the multiple gruesome scenarios that played in my mind didn't help, nor did they stop the knots in my stomach from intensifying. A shiver started to rattle my knees, and for a moment I scorned my self for having cold feet.

I mean, shell! This is Casey! The worst he'd do is clobber me with his hockey stick, right? I can handle it, no problem. So self-encouraged to get this meeting started already, I went up the metallic ladders of the fire escape, and then entered his apartment through his kitchen window. All the way, knots bubbled in mild discomfort and wriggled like worms in my stomach.

I spied him there on his workout bench while he lifted weights in his little miniature gym. He breathed with a tempo and focused on the weights, as he raised them up and down rhythmically. His muscles stretched, flexed and flattened as he worked out. Beads of sweat gathered and dribbled down lazily, they caressed his faintly flushed skin and dripped to the bench bellow him, while a few hit the floor.

I stepped out of the shadowed corner of the room and made myself known, but never dared a word while he continued his workout. At first, I wondered if he even noticed me, but didn't try to get his attention.

He'll talk to me when he's ready, which would hopefully be any moment now.

"About time ya got here!" he said with a huge grin and pushed off his workout bench, placed the weight on the floor and then tugged at a wrinkled towel from the floor near his feet.

The guy needs to work on his hygiene, seriously. I mean, was that towel even clean?

Nevertheless, he slapped it around his neck and dapped away the sweat, with a free hand he forked away his messy hair. His grin faltered when he laid eyes on me, a concerned furrow shone, "Ya okay Raphy boy? Ya look like a dog dragged ya in after a storm." he commented and pushed off the bench to stroll into the kitchen, towards fridge he took out two cans of beer and tossed me one.

I fetched it easily and stared at the can for a moment, before I decided to press it to my head, the headache wasn't entirely gone. "I'm just tired with a headache." I explained briefly. I still felt just a little tired, that bike ride kind of wore on my nerves and my legs trembled. '_Damn it, I am not having cold feet! Pull yerself together, moron!_' I scolded myself, no way am I gonna chicken out now.

"So? What did ya want to talk about?" I questioned as casually as I could, though I already knew what he wanted.

He furrowed, unconvinced with my answer regarding how I looked, "Well, it's about Angel." He murmured as he popped his can open and took a long, cool swig before he gasped in satisfaction, and then wiped his mouth with the back of his sweaty hand, before he rubbed his nose and made a long, wet sniffle. I inwardly cringed with a small smile, if April was here she would have smacked him one for that was disgusting.

"Yeah, I sort of figured that one out on my own." I muttered.

"Yeah, well after I took her home, I sort of got thinking." He continued.

"Well that's a first." I teased.

He arched a pouty, annoyed brow and shifted his weight to one leg, he brushed my comment aside, "I might be off the wrong bat but," he hesitated, shifted to the other leg and then continued, "how close are ya two, really?"

I blinked at his sheer bluntness. I squirmed a bit, paused and then sighed, "Do I really have to answer that?" I pleaded exhaustedly.

His furrow turned from questioning to thoughtful, "Raph, ya sure yer okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine!" I snapped angrily, but the flame quickly died, "It's just a stupid headache, I'm fine!" I insisted and continuously shifted my weight around, before I gave up, I couldn't find a comfortable standing position, so I trudged towards his couch.

He followed me into the room and took another long swig from his cool drink, before he released a small belch and pointed a finger at me, "I dunno, ya don't look so good," he argued with a look of concern, "Ya aint comin down with somethin, are ya?"

I plopped down on the recliner and pressed the cold can to my head, then rolled it up and down to cover and cool more space, "Why does everyone ask me that? I don't look that bad, do I?" I halfheartedly growled and shifted the can to the other side of my skull, "What's the matter with ya people? When I'm havin a fit, ya call me a hothead and tell me to cool down, but when I'm being quiet ya all think I'm sick." I muttered grudgingly and sunk deeper into the cushioned recliner, "Make up yer minds, damn it."

He cocked his head and looked as if he was about to comment, but then changed his mind and gave a negative shake, "Anyway; last night I left Angel at April's place." He paused to take another long swig and emptied the can, "But then Ape called me this mornin and asked if you two- did anything last night." He smirked with a twitching frown, "So, did you?"

My eyes bugged out and my jaw dropped at the accusation, I felt those invisible flames lick my cheeks again, "Wha- **NO!** No! We didn't do _anything!_" I cried and hopped off the couch.

The can fell from my hand and hit the floor with a loud thump, it missed colliding with my toe by an inch, but I barely paid it any mind. The new scenarios running through my mind were worrying me enough, but then that's when I gave myself a dizzy spell, that impulsive move threw me back onto the seat. I plopped into the puny recliner with an audible groan.

Damn! The headache was getting worse.

"I never laid a hand on her! I just took her to my bedroom, because I thought it was more comfortable." I insisted, then lowered my hand to grab the can and roll it over my forehead, I wanted the damn throb to go away. My vision was a bit disoriented, everything was so- blurry and it swam like water, I didn't like it. "I never touched her, I swear!" I insisted and squeezed my eyes tight when the throbbing intensified.

His chuckled rather bemusedly, "Yeah I know, I was just teasin!" he poked a finger at me with a leer, "I gotta say Angel was right, its amusin watchin yer face change color."

For a moment I just froze with wildfire in my cheeks, only after a whole minute did I realize he had just pulled a prank on me. Embarrassedly, I snarled and shot him a hateful and very irritated glare, "That was So Not funny, Casey! That was So Low!" I complained. I would have gifted him with a good knuckle sandwich, but my head hurt too badly, I couldn't think, much less walk up to him to actually do it.

"Well, the main point why I called ya here," he said as he strolled towards the kitchen, grabbed an icepack and filled it with ice cubes, "I was thinkin of spendin some time at Northampton, away from the city, ya know?" He placed the ice pack on my head and retrieved the can, popped it open and then offered it to me, "Wanna join?"

I stared at the can for a moment before I accepted it. After a few sips, I relaxed whilst the ice pack did a wonderful job and soothed my poor head, "I dunno, how long will ya be off?" I asked him and took another sip, the cool drink helped a lot.

"Oh maybe a week or two, depends if I don't get called back for work, really." he shrugged and then grinned, "So ya up to it? I was thinkin we'd go hikin or campin, if you feel up to it." He suggested with a hopeful smile.

I stared at him for a moment longer and then nodded, careful not to let the ice pack fall off, "Sure, I guess. Mike's been a pest lately, we could leave him in the forest and ask him to pretend he's Gretel or Hansel or somethin." I smirked.

Casey shook his head, "Nope, he ain't going," he disagreed, "just you."

I blinked at him, startled at that statement, then frowned, "Just me?" I echoed, confused, and he just nodded, "Why?"

"Well, I was hopin for some fun and games, but I take it ya aint in the condition to go hikin." He crossed his arms over his chest and then rolled a fist, the back of his hand tucked under his chin, "Guess we'll just have to improvise then, eh?"

"Well I dunno Casey, I've never really been away from the family before." I whined weakly, I didn't like the sounds of this, "But, why me?"

He shrugged, "Why not?"

"Why so?" I argued in unease.

He sighed heavily and shook his head, before he pushed away from the wall and walked towards me, "Look dome-head, it'll just be for two weeks. I promise, if they call us back to the city, we'll do as told and come back with no questions asked." He stated calmly, "But seriously? When did ya last see yerself in the mirror? Ya look like a nervous wreck!" he grouched and tilted the ice pack to the side, "How's the headache?"

"The ice is doin' wonders." I murmured, fighting the drowsiness that swept by.

"Good, so it's settled?" he urged with a childlike grin.

I sighed softly and gave a slight nod, I guess there was no way out of it. I mean, with just Casey and I together for two weeks, we could talk about Angel and maybe come to a solution that would satisfy all of us.

"Depends, because I don't think sensei would just let me go all the way to Northampton, just like that." I explained and slowly pushed off the backrest. I sat more upright and propped an elbow to my knee and shifted the ice pack around, "When do you plan to leave?" I looked up at him and wondered how much time I have to prepare.

"Tomorrow mornin whenever possible." He smiled broadly, "So I'll come over tomorrow to pick ya up, deal?"

"I guess, deal." I agreed.

Little did I know the devious plan my friend had planned.

Really, I should have seen it coming.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: working on it…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

-----------

After I got home, I informed sensei of Casey's offer for a two week vacation at Northampton.

Oddly enough he agreed with a radiant smile.

Somehow I found that highly suspicious, but didn't voice it out.

Of course, since Casey and I will be leaving tomorrow morning, that meant that I had all day today, and since it was a Sunday morning, I decided to go give a few friends a visit, to give them a heads up regarding my upcoming departure.

First, I caught up to the two training sessions I've missed, although dad was in mother-hen mode, he didn't want me exerting myself when I'm already so tired, but I brushed it off and he didn't argue, much.

After a quick snack I left the lair and decided to give Tyler a visit.

Surprisingly enough, he lives about two blocks away from Mrs. Morrison's home, so he and I kind of go to visit her every now and then. His mom knows about her and they've become close friends. She was glad her temperamental and stubborn boy acquainted himself with such a sweet old lady, like a grandmother, someone he could go to talk to when she's not around.

Tyler also told me that his mom asked them how they met once, they both fell into silence before they called it fate.

I grinned, somehow I found that kind of funny.

I keep in contact with him, how he's doing at school and the kinds of trouble he gets there, like kids trying to spread drugs or bully the younger kids. I help him out but only if he asks, cause I don't want to shove my snout where it done belong.

Among my family, only sensei knows about those two humans, my brothers don't have a clue, which is for the best. For all they know, I go out to ride on my bike to meet up with Casey, either to bash skulls or to release pent up frustration. Not even April or Casey knows about him, but he does know about them. I've told my two friends about the vigilant and the redhead, just in case they met one day.

Fortunately, Tyler's place is a six story apartment building, his room has a fire escape near it which allows me to sneak into his room. I don't usually get an invite, not unless he wants to gripe about his sucky teen years, when he wants to hear my opinion about a certain matter. I'd laugh it off when he complains how life isn't fair, and tell him about how my brothers and I hadn't had a decent life from the very beginning, not until after we were out of our childhood and matured into our first few teen years, and began to understand our origin and surroundings better.

He was a bit stubborn and stated the variations between our lifestyle and his, the likelihood and the evident divergences, but was also smart enough to understand what I was going on about.

We were just too different, yet so much alike, it was- perplexing.

After all, we first met when I was around sixteen and he was only ten I think, there are six years between us. So since I'm twenty one years old now, that makes him sixteen, just as old as I was when we first met.

Usually when his mom was out and he wasn't in his room when I peek through the window, it means he had either gone out with his school buddies, or had probably gone ahead to Mrs. Morrison's place.

With that in mind, I hopped off the fire escape, grabbed my bike but didn't ride it, instead I just dragged it along and crept through the darkened alleyways down the block. I know it would have been faster, but these crannies are awful small and echo a lot, I don't want to attract any unwanted attention. Besides, I'd rather reserve the fuel for later, her tank had been close to empty last I checked.

Nearing the dear woman's home, I crept through the ally and parked my bike near her door, took out the chain and locked it. Composing myself I reached the door, listening in for anyone following me, or if there was someone aside Tyler inside; it took me a moment to realize I was just paranoid. With a grin, I smiled and rapped my knuckles on the wooden door.

Merely a moment passed before Tyler opened the door with a huge grin. "Hey, Raph!" he greeted merrily and ushered me in, "You're just in time, we were having milk and cookies." He laughed.

I smirked, his voice carried a bit of an accent, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was yet, "Were you now?" I marched into the house while he closed the door, then greeted the woman, "Good evening, Mrs. Morrison. I hope you had a fine day?"

She smiled in that sweet manner, lowered her teacup and it emit a tiny clatter, muffled by the saucer, "Ah, Raphael!" she said happily and was about to push away from her chair, but I placed a hand on her shoulder, preventing her movement.

"No need to get up, ma'am." I gave her shoulder a squeeze, and then spied the rather large plate in the center of the table, with multiple and differently flavored cookies, their fragrance made my mouth water, so I turned to Tyler, "You two were indulging yourselves with such mouthwatering treats, and you didn't even wait for me? Shame on you!" I said good-naturally.

Tyler rolled his eyes, "Or so says the slow turtle." He muttered and I just sent him a mock glare which he ignored. He tugged at his sports jacket to adjust it, since he's in his school's football team; football not soccer.

From what I recall at our last meeting last week, his hair used to be longer, but I figure his mother got tired of it so he succumbed to her rants: '_You look like a girl!_' and shaved it.

Good for him. At least now it looks manlier though it's just a tuft of red, short spiky hair. '_Girls dig that._' I smirked.

Although I've already told the kind woman about my origin and my family, that I'm a giant walking talking mutant turtle, she didn't mind and admitted that she felt something about me, she just felt that it wasn't wise to voice it out in fear of scaring me off.

I appreciated it, although I still don't feel comfortable to remind her of what I am all the time.

She is one of the very few people I know despite her age and blind condition, who treats me like a person, completely forfeiting the fact that whenever we touch, she doesn't even flinch at the lack of digits, or the cooler, not-so-smooth inhuman-skin she would sometimes caress.

"It's so good of you two boys to give this old lady such frequent visits." Mrs. Morrison laughed a bit, "But I'm sure you're only here for the cookies, or why else would you boys keep visiting such a boring old woman." She gave a wistful sigh, "Oh to be young again."

I grinned and touched her frail hand, gently grasped her fingers and raised it up only a little, before I delicately kissed her knuckles, "Nonsense, my fair lady. There is nothing I enjoy more than your company." I assured with a smirk, though I knew she couldn't see it.

With a twinge in my chest, its times like this I wish if only she weren't blind.

Yet still, would it have made the way she looked at me, figuratively speaking, any different?

"Oh yeah, turn on the charm, huh." Tyler muttered and gave a negative shake, "That wont give you more cookies, I assure you; you aint getting any out of my plate." He vowed, plopped on the free chair nearby and grabbed the kettle of tea, he refilled the lady's half empty cup, poured himself a cup and then lastly, presented me with a drink.

Something in my mind clicked; the boy was developing a Brooklyn accent. Who'da thunk it?

The elderly woman smiled merrily, she's used to our bantering and antics, so she merely retrieved her hand to search the air for my face, before she made contact with my skin and found my cheek, she cupped it gently, her thumb brushed under my eye, "Why don't you sit down, dear. Have some cookies and tea." She offered kindly, her motherly-like smile tickled my senses.

Gladly, I complied and joined them at the small treat.

About an hour and half-way through a conversation, after I told them of my little vacation, the topic then changed to girls these days and about the best approach to dating them and whatnot; Tyler, though teased quite enough to the point that his face had turned flush red, he squirmed as if there were ants in his pants, had to head back home and wished us a good night.

I made sure the door was locked after he left.

Alone with Mrs. Morrison, we shared that small table in peace. The topic about girls buggered me a bit, it nagged on me and reminded me of my current problem, but I weren't too sure why or if I should bring it up.

"Something on your mind, dear? You've been awful quite today." She said kindly, one hand humbly sat in her lap, evident that the lack of any pets was heartily missed.

Lucy disappeared about a week ago, and yet she refused to admit it she was worried about her pretty white cat. Given my knowledge when it comes to those felines, because of Mike and Klunk, I think that it's around mating season. Lucy had probably run off to hit the sack with the first male who could make her submit. Cats are like that, they like men who can fight back.

I think Klunk followed me here once, Lucy was anything but friendly.

Poor orange Tabby never followed me here ever again.

He'd usually avoid me when I come back home, especially if Lucy left her scent all over my legs, rubbing herself against me and begging for a petting and all. Cats are territorial, so by rubbing herself against me she's leaving her scent on my skin, therefore she's claiming me as her own. Unlike dogs who piss to mark their territory, cats leave their scent and that explains why they rub against everything they find.

So whenever I go back home after visiting Mrs. Morrison, Klunk wouldn't come one step near me and keeps away, or even let me pet or touch him, until I take a shower and wash it off.

"You were a bit distant today, almost as if there was something on your mind." She added.

I huffed a small breath, "It- about… well, how do I say this," I rubbed the back of my neck.

I mean, for crying out loud I'm not even a teenager anymore, I've outgrown that phase and I'm already in my early adult years, so why do I tremble and feel so insecure and clumsy when I think about Angel? What kind of power does she possess to turn me head over heels like this?

Kindly, she placed a hand over mind, where it rested on the table top, so encouraged by her touch I took a deep breath, "for the sake of not sounding stupid, it's about- a girl I like." I confessed, '_There! I said it!_'

Her thin white brows arched high as her lips parted and shaped into a perfect circle, before the corners of her mouth spread father away in a huge grin, "Really? What is she like? Does she know you like her?" she prodded almost excitedly.

I felt my cheeks warm up, my brows knit and a bemused grin tugged on my lips, "Well, yeah." I admitted timidly, reluctantly, "We kinda had a thing for each other a few years back and all."

"So she knows?" she grinned wider, her blank ocean-grey orbs never flickered.

I licked my lips a bit nervous, because I've never seen the usually composed and well reserved woman so elated before, "Well, um, yeah, ya know? We've known each other for a long time." I stuttered a bit, then cursed myself and tried to compose my jittered nerves, "She's kinda like- the one who took the first step, really." I admitted nervously, "It's just that- well, we're- different."

I didn't wait for her to ask, I began a long explanation about myself, Angel, Casey and how I thought it all started.

From the day Casey was captured by Hun, how Angel saw that it was her fault and needed our help to free him, and then to how I saw her as a tomboy and a close friend. I moved on to that Christmas evening, when we tried to help Casey snatch a kiss from April, only to be caught in the act. I think that was when we first saw each other more than just friend, to close and dear friends. Lastly, I told her about how Angel's brother, and how he idiotically got himself trapped in some sort of haunted mansion, blinded by greed.

I think the breaking point was at his actual departure two years ago.

I do believe that's where our relationship snowballed into our current state.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Morrison didn't know how to express herself and voice out her thoughts. She remained silent, listening to every word and not interrupt, she'd squeeze my hand in encouragement. She understood my feelings to an extent, being a widowed woman herself, but didn't know how deep exactly were we, and or if Angel and I are planning anything in the near or distant future.

"All I can say is; think wisely before you take the next step, you have two paths and one of them is- in a way, the lesser evil." She said carefully, "I understand that you dearly care and love her, but want her to give her freedom and everything she desires." She paused, but when I took a breath to interrupt, she wisely and expertly pressed a delicate finger to my lips, shushing me, "I'm sure you will find what you're looking for, Raphael." she assured, "So remember, believe in yourself, the answer is usually closer to home than you think." She said in that humble yet knowing manner, that smile still shone on her face.

I can't explain it, but her words touched me deeply, so I took her words for it.

No sooner did my brothers call, they wanted me back home.

With a peck on the cheek and a thank you, we parted our ways and I went back home.

….

The next morning, I wished if I had refused Casey's offer.

Why? Because only after Casey arrived to pick me up, did I discover my father and Casey were in cahoots!

Waiting at the lair's garage was Casey with his classic old Cadillac, April with a friendly and beaming smile, and dare I say it, Angel! They were all dressed and ready for the slightly nippy weather we had this morning, but it was shocking nonetheless.

I snagged his arm, flashed the woman a wry grin and dragged him away for a small _talk_, "Casey! What the shell are _they_ doin' here?" I practically screeched into his unprotected ear, "You didn't say anythin about them joinin' us!" I argued in a hushed voice. I didn't want them to feel offended or unwanted, but still I couldn't believe my friend had lied to me! "I thought you said it was just the two of us!"

"I never said that!" he replied coolly with a damn big, dopy grin, "I said it'll be just you and not your brothers, I never said we weren't havin' company." He shrugged none too caring, "Besides, I thought you'd be happy to have Angel come over." He hinted.

If my cheeks had warmed up any more than they already have, they'd be glowing like hot amber. "Is that it? You invited me just to embarrass me in front of her?" I hissed and squeezed his arm tighter, almost enough to break a bone, but he merely flinched, "Are you plannin somethin'?" I sneered warningly, and suppressed the urge to knock his teeth in when he grinned.

I felt so angry, so betrayed! I could kill him right here and now!

"Nope," he closed his eyes and shrugged his free shoulder, his free hand carefully and slowly pried my fingers off his arm, digit by digit till it was home free, rubbed it tenderly and winced, before he stuffed his hands into his jacket's pockets, "You need to unwind Raph, you're too tense." He gave a sympathetic smile, "I talked to Ape and Donny last night and they both assured me ya were under stress."

I clinched my teeth so hard I thought they'd pop out of my jaw and mouth.

"So I thought: Hey? Why not take a vacation? It should help him unwind! All I gotta do is con him into it cause he aint gonna buy it just like that." he continued and grinned mischievously, "Besides, Angel kept whinin' about her hangover and how much she missed ya." He said thoughtfully, "And seriously now, avoidin' her wouldn't have made things any easier to deal with." He muttered, paused and then furrowed, "But don't go gettin' any idea, got it?"

"Yeah, sure; whatever." I muttered darkly and watched him head towards his car with a satisfied smirk.

I swear, my face was so hot and though the headache was pretty much gone, I was still clumsy on my feet, or I honestly would have loved to kick that arrogant ass all the way to next week!

I swung a fist at his retreating figure in partly-suppressed rage, but he easily dodged it with a laugh, before he twirled around and we exchanged blows, or more like missed blows for we never touched each other, we kept countering each others fists like a boxing match; almost shadow boxing in a way. We wasted a good hour trying to beat the stuffing out of each other, and somehow that playful pastime made me feel a shell lot better.

Well, up until April got fed up with waiting and dragged him by the ear and me by the mask tails, reprimanding us for our useless games. I don't think I've seen the grin on Angel's face grow so big!

To admit it, her smile sort of made me look more forward to this trip.

"Aww! You mean we can't tag along? That's no fair!" Mike whined and latched on to April's sleeve, before she could shove me into the back seat, "Can I join? Pweeze?" he pleaded cutely and turned to Casey who replied with a negative shake, "I'll cook for you! I'll even clean! Just let me come along, please?" Casey's head kept shaking but with a frown, "Pretty please?" while frowning, Casey's head shook faster, before he gave himself a headache so he stopped to glare at my impish brother, "Pretty please with sugar lumps on top?" Mike batted his eyes cutely.

"Oh Take a Hint, Mikey!" Don groaned, he placed a hand on Mike's shoulder and gently tugged back.

Mike whined but didn't insist anymore, he knows when to give up.

Leo stepped closer to look at me, "Remember Raph, you're going to relax and unwind! So no don't stress yourself, or cause them any trouble." He advised gently, offering a handshake.

I just rolled my eyes and then shrugged, before accepting the handshake, squeezing slightly.

Sparing my brothers and father a glance, they all replied with friendly smiles.

Bracing myself for courage, I climbed into the car and once up and ready, we were off.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: hmm…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four:

---------------

It took us approximately three hours to get from New York to Northampton.

About time, too; I couldn't stand the car ride with Angel latched onto my arm like glue!

During the ride, April and Angel chattered and droned on and about clothes and fashion, then about relevant and irrelevant things about the redhead's antique shop, something about the window and the things that were put on display. I gathered April wanted to change the interior look of the shop, in hope it would attract more customers, while Angel insisted that it looked just fine and should be left as it is.

Not that I would have cared much, but their continuous natters unfortunately revived my headache, it started bounding against my tender brain. I tried to distract myself and not listen to their mindless banter, to focus on the countryside through the window or enjoy the view or something. But I ended up dozing with the side of my forehead pressed against the glass, before Angel tugged me closer to rest my head on her shoulder.

I slept through the rest of the ride, it was very welcomed and peaceful and it eased off the drumming in my head. Luckily and thankfully, when we finally arrived at the farmhouse, they never poked or teased me about falling sleep and sowing logs so damn loud, no matter how Casey wanted to April just didn't let him. She knows I have problems and snore really loud during asleep, I can't help it.

I guess that explains why my voice is so gruff.

After we arrived, April and Angel busied themselves and got the house tidied up and cleaned from the inside. They started with the bathrooms, den and then the kitchen, they left the bedrooms for last.

Casey and I made sure the facilities were in good functional order. The water was clean and with no rust in the tanks. The electric cables were connected in their rightful plugs and were not chews up by farm vermin, or withered away by the neglect or weather. All the locks were secure and didn't need changing or fixing. Made sure the hinges were oiled so they won't creek, and then checked for any squeaky wooden tiles and such.

By nightfall, we gathered in the den and talked only a little, we were just too tired and hungry.

The rest of the evening remained relatively peaceful.

April and Angel made dinner while Casey and I had a bit of a squabble.

The car was almost out of gas and he might have to call a cab, to go to town and get the needed fuel. I shrugged and reminded him about the gas station he passed before I feel asleep, and quoted what he said about the gas being more than enough, and that he didn't need to waste money when the tank was so full, then yapped something about the price of gas these days that bore me to death, but nevertheless he was the only one to blame.

In the end the squabble turn into a game, it was more like an alphabetized name calling, really.

He said it was something Don started, but I had no memory of it either being played between them, not while I'm around anyway, or Don even mentioning it in any shape or form, therefore did not comment.

I was still partly upset at him, or more upset at myself for being fooled into this trip, this name-calling game sort of helped me vent out some of the frustration. In a way I found it was actually quite good, it helped me get a load of negativity off my chest.

Although I really thought this little getaway trip was just for the two of us, I was disappointed at my human friend. I thought he invited me to this little escape, because I figured Casey wanted to talk to me about Angel, without scaring me off and to get things settled between us.

Scare me off? Nah, I don't think so. Rough me up maybe, but not scare me off.

"So what do any of you have in mind for tomorrow?" Casey asked from over his dinner plate.

"Well, I was thinking of going into town to get some groceries." April informed quietly, "The fridge is pretty empty and we didn't bring much with us." she gestured to the meal, "What we have wont last till tomorrow night, I'm afraid." She pointed out.

"Okay, I'll take you to town tomorrow morning then." Casey nodded to his girl, before he turned his attention to Angel, "What about you? Wanna go window shopping or something while we're there?"

"Nah, no thanks." The youth shrugged, a lock of dark purple hair slipped from behind her ear and rested delicately on her shoulder, so she set down her silver fork and groomed her hair back with her fingers behind her ear, "I was thinking of taking a stroll down to the lake. I want to see if there are any birds or turtles pond there." She said giddily then grinned at me, "What about you, Raph?"

I shrugged and half busied myself with the meal, I moved it around the plate absently, and half tried to ignore the still evident smell of dust around me. In spite of the fact that the girls have spent so long getting the kitchen cleaned, I could still smell the dust; or maybe it was just me. "Sleep in tomorrow, I guess." I muttered and focused more on the meal; I scooped some into my mouth so I won't have to say anything more. I wasn't really hungry, but had to keep myself occupied till it was over, maybe then I could escape to my bedroom and lock myself in or something.

Strangely enough, no one commented.

The silence that followed was awkward and uncomfortable.

After dinner we separated; April and Casey remained in the kitchen to wash the dishes together, Angel helped out and sorted the dry ones in their rightful place. I exited the house and made my way to the barn, up to the hayloft and plopped on a huge stack of hay. It was Mike's favorite spot whenever we come here to Northampton, so I hope he won't mind if I bunk here for tonight.

Sure, I have a clean and comfy bedroom waiting for me inside, I just don't feel like going in there, not now.

I lay awake on the hay and stared blankly at the small circular window.

I couldn't sleep no matter how much I wanted, no matter how tired or spent I was. I was just too frustrated and it kept me wide awake. I complemented the view through the window with a tiny smile, mesmerized at the vast sea of dark blue and littered with twinkling stars. Mike had a pretty good idea when he chose this place, no wonder he likes to come here so often.

But then there was the sound of shoes on straws of hay, soft crunchy sounds were clear.

"Hey there, I was wondering where you went." She greeted gently, her voice outwardly expressed her cheerful and mellow mood. She stood on the ladder steps at the level where her hip pressed against the hayloft's floor, before she climbed up the last few steps off the ladder and onto the hayloft, and then stood at the foot of the hay pile near my feet, she folded her hands behind her back cutely.

I spared her a blank stare, before I looked out the window again, "Yes?"

"Mind if I join you?" she requested cutely.

I sighed and tried not to frown, "Shouldn't you be inside?" I argued dejectedly, I was really in no mood for her flirting.

I was an emotional mess without her being there near me. I can't think when she's around because she keeps distracting me. Just when I thought that I've found my center and started to relax and drift away, she had to make herself present?

She replied to my inquiry with a cute pout, "They don't need me for anything and I've already finished my chores for today, or tonight." She kicked some hay and a small cloud of dust rose, "So when they started kissing, I decided to make myself scarce." She flashed a knowing grin.

Uninvited she came closer and settled on the hay pile right next to me. "Prickly." She commented with a giggle and smoothed down some stray straws, got comfortable and hugged her knees.

When I glanced at her and wondered what she wanted, she flashed me one of those cute and disarming 'we need to talk' smiles. With a groan, I ignored her and rolled to my side, my arm folded under my head like a pillow.

"Ya know, it's not nice to ignore a lady." She whined and placed a hand on my shoulder, she caressed my scalp with the other, "Raph, we need to talk." She said quietly then added, "Please?"

I ignored her still, but her touch prickled my skin, bubbles started in my stomach and those damn knots twisted again. It was so hard to keep my train of thoughts from straying off track with her warm, bubbly presence near me.

For a moment, I wondered if this is how Don felt towards April.

I mean, it was pretty obvious my quiet and brainy brother had a crush on her when we first met the redhead, but yet he never dared a move and whether or not April noticed it, she never reacted.

Or at least, I don't think or recall her ever reacting.

At least now I can sympathize with him, because it sucks to be in love, especially when you know it's wrong in so many ways. Now I understand why he stepped back and let Casey walk in to take her, it's the only way for April to be with someone she loves, and still be granted the future she wanted, a future she deserved and fulfills her wishes to be normal.

"I'm sorry." Angel murmured softly and broke my thoughts when she drew back her hand, "I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Raphael. I just want to talk to you, please?" she pleaded meekly.

The second she drew back, I swallowed the need to protest; already I missed her warm and tender touch.

Heart heavy and mind heavier, I rolled over and lay to my shell and allowed my body a moment to sink into they pile of hay, before I looked at her saddened face. Those glassy brown pools she calls eyes were painful to look at, especially with that convincing puppy-eyed look, they made the guilt in my stomach grow worse, it made me so nervous.

"It's not your fault. It's me." I murmured and reached a hand to cup her cheek, to brush away the seemingly forming tears.

Her brows sky rose, "And how is this your fault?"

"I'm not human." I blurt out the flat truth.

She furrowed, an upset gleam shone clear, "And how can you not be human?"

I huffed an irritated sigh and turned away, "You know what I'm saying, Angel." I growled weakly.

She gave a negative shake and tisked, her forelock hair bounced with the motion, "Raph, you are one of _the_ most human beings I have ever come across!" she exclaimed, "Heck! You're just hard on the outside but really sweet on the inside, like a jawbreaker." She teased with a broad grin.

"Angel, please." I groaned and turned away, I hated it when they say that.

I didn't want to listen to a sap story because she's good at telling them, especially when she wants to convince me.

She scooted closer to cup my face and slowly pressed her palm to my cheek, she turned my head to face her. Her soft thumbs tenderly brushed my lower lip and she smiled sweetly, thoughtfully before she spoke, "If you mean the physical form, it really doesn't matter to me." She cooed, "I love you for who you are, Raph, not how you look like." She confessed.

"I can't convince you otherwise, can I?" I questioned blankly.

"Nope." She giggled and stars twinkled in her eyes as she brought up both hands to cup my face, "Through thick and thin, love will prevail." she pecked me on the lips, "You can run all you want Raph, but you can't hide from cupid." She grinned.

I sighed with her soft kiss, it gave me a split second to balance myself again, to think more clearly.

It's just one of those traits about Angel that amuses yet scares me; I don't know how she does it.

Sometimes, it's the mystery of who she is that attracts me, it's one of those things I deeply love about her.

But if I want her to be happy, perhaps I should take by Don's example?

Easier said than done, so I'm gonna keep her, up until I find someone worthy of her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: um…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

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Angel and I remained in the barn house for a good hour, it neared past midnight.

We just sat there while she talked and talked about how we should be together, while I remained silent.

I recalled a song I heard on the radio once, so I quoted a part of the lyrics to her.

I hoped she understood the message I tried to tell her, cause at that moment, I couldn't find the right words to express my thoughts to her, without hurting her in some way.

"Someone told me: Love will now save us." I said the first line and turned to look at her, where she sat on the pile of prickly hay next to me. She stopped talking to look at me, somewhat started at the interruption after my long period of silence. "How can that be when look what love gave us. A world full of killing, blood spilling; that word never came."

We shared a long moment, we just stared at each other as if trying to figure out what the other was thinking, before I reached out with my hands to her, to cup her cute, heart-shaped face with my huge palms. She drew closer for the touch and scooted closer to me, and her skin was warmly delicate and smooth under my cool, thick and stubby fingers.

We shared another long moment of silence, our eyes locked in a sad, longing gaze.

She furrowed a bit, unsure of what I was about to tell her.

"Love won't mean anything to either one of us if you die in vein, Angel." I voiced out what I recited in my head several seconds ago, but never had the guts to say it in fear of hurting her, "You know who and what I am, what my brothers and I are the way we are, and what we stand against days in and days out." I reasoned wisely, her eyes were starting to turn glassy with the realization.

I braced myself once more, the saddened and hurt look in her eyes was killing me, "The chances of us going to battle and never come back home are pretty high, and the risk of having some innocent bystander is just as high. It's not a life I'm willing to share with someone I care about!" I reasoned some more, though I had a hunch a part of what I had said fell on deaf ears, "It just doesn't work that way."

She pressed her lips in a thin line with a hint of distaste. Her fingers caressed my face though a bit rougher than usual, before they gently slipped down to rest on my shoulders. With a saddened gleam in her eyes she leaned in and placed her ear on my plastron, to my heart with her eyes closed, she listened to my heartbeat. I merely stared at her where I still laid on my shell in the bed of hay.

After a moment, my hands slid off her warm skin and rested lightly on her shoulder blades, I pulled her closer and into a hug. Her shoulders squared for only a moment before she relaxed, and we lay on the hay. She had one arm draped across my chest, her free hand gently laid flat on my shoulder. I moved my arm to hold her hand, our fingers intertwined. I placed my hand on her hip.

"Let us assume that we had gone ahead and- did it," she hesitated and when I glanced at her, I smirked at the fact that her cheeks colored, with her eyes closed and cheeks flushed, she looked really cute, "would it really be all that bad?" she argued and snuggled closer, "I mean, if I put my mind into it I can handle a job, play the father role and get the money needed, you can play the mother role and take care of the kids." She smirked.

"There is no way in hell am I gonna play mama, ya got that?" I grouched.

She yelped when I pinched her ear and exclaimed my distaste with her suggestion. "Well gee, sorry! It was only a suggestion." She whined with a mock scowl and rubbed her offended earlobe, but after a moment her expression became neutral, "But seriously now, is there really no hope for us? What's to say it can happen?" she murmured softly.

"I'm a mutant and as mutants as far as Don told me, there is a pretty big change we can't reproduce." I huffed, now I just discouraged myself with the blunt truth. Who wants to have miniature copies of me running amuck, anyway? Not Leo or sensei that's for sure. "Angel, think about it this way," I started and pushed a bit up, I rested my weight on my elbows, "if we did it and you ended up pregnant, how would our life be?" I hoped she'd understand my reluctance to continue with this relationship, there is just no happy ending to the end of that tunnel.

"Well I'd be a working woman, you'd be a house wife and we'd live happily ever after." She grinned. I pinched her ear again and she yelped, but instead of whining she pinched my cheek, "Would you quit that?" she pouted, flustered and a bit annoyed.

"Angel, I'm being serious here!" I said with a funny voice since she was still tugging on my cheek, then released me so I tenderly rubbed the offended flesh, "Would you please stop looking at it thought the pink-girly-scope?" I grumped and stared at her with a hard, blank gaze devoid of any emotion. God help me, I'm gonna make her understand even if it kills me!

She stiffened inwardly and twitched a nervous grin, "Sorry." She pushed away.

I watched her while she held her hands, her fingers intertwined with each other. I sighed when she looked upset and the glassy look in her eyes sparked with suppressed tears, and then cringed when she started wringing her fingers.

Whenever she starts wringing her fingers, then she's that upset. '_Oh what a way to go Raph, you blew her off so bad, she's **that** upset! Casey is gonna make a flower pot out of my shell! I just know it!_' I berated myself for such insensitivity. I've completely forgotten how feminine Angel had become, she's no longer that much of the tomboy I remember, and had developed a strange sensitivity to some topics.

I wanted to comfort her so I pushed off the straw-bed and sat upright, reached out for her hands, separated them and squeezed them gently, "Angel, listen, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." I confessed and assured her with an honest apology.

I guess apologizing had become easier to do through the past few years, I don't know who to thank, April, Mike or Angel.

Well, either that or I've really gotten soft.

I shrugged that matter aside, I freed one hand and flicked away a glassy droplet that gathered at the corner of her eye, "But ya need to understand that- well, to me, to actually find a girl who would love me and sacrifice everything to be with me, it's more than I could ever ask for." I confessed again and felt a tremble in my buckled legs so I shook my head, I had to clear my mind.

"Well I'm here." She insisted, unsure of what I said.

I sighed a little louder than intended, "Angel, I'm honored to have won your unconditional affection, I'm beyond flattered, but-" I was flustered. '_Geez__ I can't believe I said that! That was just so damn cheesy! And her tiny smirk is not helping!_' I cleared my throat and continued, "but the chances are that even if you and I got together and actually- did- it," I cursed myself for stuttering.

'_I'm twenty one years old, goddamnit! Pull yerself together!_'

The warmth that invaded my face along with her gradually growing cheeky smirk didn't help. It took me a lot of will power not to duck my head or groan in embarrassment, damn! What's wrong with me? "Uhh… according to Donny, the chances are of us- to produce offspring is less than a five percent chance." I informed her, finally I managed to compose myself, "Also, the chances of baring a healthy child are less than one percent, meaning that there is a big risk, up to ninety nine percent that the child would be born handicapped, deformed or dead."

The crestfallen gaze she send my tore my heart out of my chest and ripped it to pieces, but I did my best not to let it show on my face. I squeezed her hands a little tighter, "Do you really want to risk baring a child into a world like this in such a state?"

"But there is a chance the baby would be born just fine, right?" she argued weakly, though clearly shook up, "If there is at least a five percent chance, I'm sure we can work hard for it, right?" she pleaded, a hopeful yet sad smile spread on her lips.

I sighed heavily and shook my head, no.

There is just **no** rational reasoning with this girl.

Abruptly, she pulled her hand from my hold and punched my shoulder, a small spot pulsed slightly after the contact with her knuckles, but it didn't hurt much, I've had worse, "Damn it, Raph! Why do you have to be such a downer?" she snapped, tears already welled in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks, "Can't you be optimistic for a change?"

"I don't do sugar coated lies, sorry." I grumped, though the pain in my chest hurt ten times more than the small spot on my shoulder, "It's a dog eat dog world Angel, I've always been the pessimistic negative guy in the bunch." I sent her a stare so hard, she flinched as more tears trickled down her flustered face, "If you can't stand that side of me, I don't see why you're still so attached." I growled with a scowl.

She trembled and bit her lower lip, before she suddenly hopped on her knees to slam against me.

We laid flat on the bed of stray straw, while she sobbed on my chest.

Despite the chill that started in the pit of my stomach, I felt something mildly warm and ticklish slip between my plastron scutes, "Why won't you just accept it as it is?" she argued, "Why do you have to question everything and be such a damn downer, Raph?" she wept as her tears trickled into the slits of my chest, "I love you, why wont you just accept it and _shut up_?" she snapped, but it was weak.

Emotionally drained, I closed my eyes and released a heavy sigh. There was just no winning with this woman. I had no energy to argue with her anymore; I'm sick of this fight; I wish if it would come to an end already.

I felt a grim smile form on my dry lips, so I ran my tongue over them, only to taste her strawberry flavored lip-gloss from her kiss earlier, "Sometimes I would wish to have Mike's optimism, if only for a day," I began a small ramble, unsure why I chose such a topic, while my arms wrapped around her petite frame, "but when I think about it, I realize that wishing to be like Mike isn't a very bright idea." I smirked and moved my hand, I brushed away those tears and cupper her face, "I'm not something worth crying over, Angel."

Her shoulders shuddered and she curled up, pressed herself closer and tucked her head under my chin, her cheek pressed against my collarbone as she quietly wept. Defeated by a weeping woman, I pushed off the hay and sat up, I gathered her in my arms and hugged her tight, and she wrapped her arms around my neck and sniffed whilst she tried to calm herself.

She sobbed and whimpered against my neck, nuzzled my throat and pressed herself closer, slowly her tears came to a stop and she calmed down. "Why wont you let me into your world?" she whined weakly, exhaustedly, "I try and I try, but you keep pushing me away Raph. I'm sick and tired of you running away." she exclaimed, voice raspy because of her tears, she swiftly pushed out of my hold to press her hands on my cheeks, "Why wont you just let it be? You care about me, don't you? You love me, right?" she begged for an answer, hot tears trickled down.

"I push you away **because** I love you, I don't want you to get hurt," I admitted. The knots in my stomach intensified, "I don't deserve you, Angel." I reasoned quietly and whipped away her tears, "Besides, what's there for me to offer you? I've got no job, no money and no future! All I can give you is worry, death and misery at every corner." I told her boldly, and wished deeply she would understand what I'm saying, "I love you, I really do! You mean a lot to me, more than I can explain or put into words!"

I confessed and confirmed my love to her with a deep kiss. Her eyes widened at first, but then they fluttered closed and she wrapped her arms around my neck once more, deepening the kiss. I love the feel of her nails on my skin, it sends shivers up and down my spine, it's- intoxicating.

After the kiss broke, she huffed a small shy giggle, before she raised her head to lock eyes with me, nestled comfortably in my arms, "Then- why won't you let me in?" she sniffled and nuzzled my throat again.

"I can't accept your sacrifice for it's more than it's worth!" I sighed softly, I loved the way her nails caressed those nerves at the base of my throat, "You have a better future with someone from your society, a human. Someone who would appreciate you, love you and can give and provide you with what I can't, everything your heart desires!" I insisted.

"I don't care about the money, you know." She muttered and then pressed herself to my chest.

"I know, but it's the language of today." I sighed and wondered what this world was coming to. People would kill and sell each other for money they'd later waste to make themselves ill or dead, how saddening. "You can hate money all you want, but unfortunately it's what most people care about." I tenderly rubbed her shoulder and nuzzled her head. "Or as they say: It makes the world go round."

Heck! Even Don kept an eye on stock market, and I found that fact kinda scary.

Dearly wanting to change the subject, I took a long whiff of her fruity scented hair, she smelled so sweet. "You smell nice."

She didn't answer at first, probably started at my comment, but then sighed softly and snuggled closer, "Thank you."

She just sat there in my arms, I held her close.

There were so many things I wanted to give her, to say to her, to pretend that it's normal, but whenever I look at myself, at my rough skinned and green, three fingered hands compared to her delicate cream-colored digits, I feel so depressed.

How can I accept her feelings and her sacrifice when I don't have anything of equal value to give in return? Yes, some people might think that I should just accept what she gives me and shut up, but the man in me refuses to accept it. I'm the male in this picture, I'm supposed to be the dominant one, or maybe it's just the turtle in me who things that way.

Human males aren't all dominant. Heck! Some of them are nothing but pushovers!

Angel is pretty hard headed and doesn't let just anyone push her around. She's so independent, she's like a tomboy. Rowdy and rough, but still possesses the charms of a lady when she wishes to be, or needs to con someone into buying something for her.

Angel and I knew each other since that day where the Purple Dragons captured Casey, she was barely thirteen or fourteen at the time, I think. I'm two or three years older, so the age difference is not by much.

Speaking of which, her birthday is four days away, so shouldn't there be a birthday party? I don't remember getting anything for the party, so did she celebrate it early? Was that why April wanted to go out shopping?

Angel will turn eighteen, while I'm twenty one. I'm three years older than her, that's not much, right?

Wrong. I remember Mike teased me about my dead serious and grumpy attitude, he called me a has-been. It's not my fault I act more mature for my age, unlike Mike who still acts like a five year old!

I wonder what Mike would do in a situation like this. Probably nothing, the guy had never been out on a date, and I've never seen him with a girl.

Heck! I wonder what _Leo_ would do in a situation like this! With his love-hate relationship with Karai, he's bound to have some pointers, right?

What would Don do in a situation like this? Well, from how he dealt with April, though one sided, should I take that advice?

I don't know to ask, but I could sure use some advice right about now.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: …


End file.
